acceptance · contemplate · freedom

Words of Truth to Myself

DAY 13 Continuing

Dear Self,

How am I?

Good and not good.

I beg your pardon, good or not good?

Good and not good.

Alright……

Why are you feeling this way, what happened?

Much happened because nothing happened.

Why do you always confuse me?

Because I am confused. It feels complex and yet I can make it simple. Sometimes, I wish to go far from it all. What’s within stays within no matter where I go. If I die, it will continue to float around in a dimension I know nothing about.

What nonsense is this? If you do not know anything about an unknown dimension, why bother about it? Be and see what is there in the here.

I am tired of it all…with the way things have come to be. I wish to release it all but it never fully goes away. I have become stronger facing it all, in a way where I am able to free myself from the suffering, a step at a time. Then in a strange way, I get caught up in a dilemma where I want to continue feeling my unfulfilled joy and yet I want freedom from it. Things remain unchanged. It just repeats itself like a circle.

I want to accept and yet it feels uneasy to accept. I get tired of it all that what I wish is to run away from it and I feel I want to come back as soon as I am away.

What is this all about? How do I really change it all?

What is living strongly all about?

What is my sense of balance? Why am I not able to be the right balance till now? Why such struggle in the first place?

I do not know the how for this. Why this balance is important for me is starting to unravel. I have this mission for myself.

Alright……bla bla bla.

You think it is a joke.

Yes..

Alright, no, it is not. It is funny. And, jokes are funny.

Let me remind you something my dear. The sun never fail to rise. When it does, it does. The lovely dawn and dusk outside. Look outside, feel the scent of the soil through the breeze, look around, everybody is doing fine, and look within, and if all you see and feel is positivity, then where really is the suffering? The heart on fire, but all it knows, is to spread love. Then, where is the problem….there is wisdom through the nothingness…this is good. Why not accept the peaceful nothingness?

This is the “problem”, Self, if it is a problem at all….self-created suffering creature! Even when there is nothing, there is a problem…

But there feels suffering and fear, I feel it…don’t you?

You fool…the you is me only. I feel something…but I am not naming it suffering or fear and see it as such.

It is not ignoring or suppressing the emotions my dear. Feel it as much as you want or go away from it, nothing will change this way.

For that, it is important to open up in a new dimension and observe peacefully that the drama causing the turmoil does not exist. To accept that which is the present, will free you from what does not exist in the now. The past will dissipate with the acceptance of the present.

But I feel it. It is very well real for me.

The energy for so is persisting and it is not going to be destroyed, for energy can only be transformed from one form to another.

Why not transform it into one which spreads happiness and boundless love within and around when the heart has a will for so and the intelligence has a potential for so?

After this conversation with my mind, how am I?

Still crazy and a fool, no doubt, but clearer of my truth in a funny way.

Take care and I am always there to listen and help. Just remember to be true with the self. Know what is true and what are the hallucinations. Otherwise, it is a tragedy to live life entangled, my dearest.