She stumbled again.
It all flashed back.
In ways she never saw coming…
The dormant desires were resurrected…
It was trying to come out.
Despite her conscious refusal for so…
It cried and shouted: “Let me out”, several times.
Her nails scraped the bed sheets out of anger.
She turned and punched the left side of the bed, half-asleep.
Tears streamed down restlessly.
The anger she took absolute responsibility for. No blames and no complains.
What was the source of the anger? She knew and she found it hard to look within again.
She was tired of everything, she was tired of herself.
For no reason at all…was her sensible reason.
She wanted to be with herself but away from everything, breathing the joyful and blissful life..
Her coughs were tiring to her. It was clear she was ill.
Her real illness was her mind.
The constant chatter of unnecessary junks was a slow death to her gray matter.
The wait was a slow lethal poison to her once happy-loving, mischievous spirits.
The wait was nothing but an illusion in the present.
There was an awakening that night.
The beast in the beauty had been awaken.
Do you feel it, dear reader?
Her struggles began again..
The struggle from her own beast.
This tore her apart.
She became impulsively aggressive.
The hardest part was..she was conscious of it all.
Still its visitation was allowed, with pain, numbness and tiredness.
She was trying to listen to it, to herself.
She was freeing it.
She was trying to free her from it.
She would constantly say in her mind: “I release you.”
The beast half-possessed her state of mind.
How was she going to come out of it…was a genuine concern to her.
The drama causing the turmoil did not exist, then where was it all coming…?
Was there something that had been suppressed unconsciously since long; and its realization began that night?
The anger was suppressed, she was thinking to herself.
The beast was not scaring her.
A decision she took long back, create the mist of fear.
She chose to feed her good wolf.
Amidst all this, the bad wolf got neglected, she thought.
Its anger got suppressed because of the good.
She took the right decision to feed the good wolf within her, allowing its reflection and choosing consciously to not let the bad conquer her, however she did not listen to the suppressed anger of the bad wolf who missed all her attention, care and love.
It came back out of nowhere from its sleep to haunt her once again.
Perhaps, it came back as a reminder, now being the crucial time to look at it and into it, acknowledge it and say, it’s alright. Putting oneself together, and say, I am there to take care of you,…you, the beast, as well.
Taking care of it, will not reinforce its manifestation, but decrease it, and with time, dissolve it.
Our pace of realization and rising above our very own beast can take time.
For many of us, this occurs in a process, and this process may be as random and spontaneous as life is. Be it late or not, I believe, the realization nevertheless happens as long as we are breathing. It becomes very tempting to live our blooming that in the process, we lose consciousness of what’s shouting for our help.
What we are attracted to, is perhaps a reflection of our state within, which we may be conscious of or unconscious of it until we take the courage and question ourselves…. whether we are in line with our heart’s truth…. and no one else can do this for us but ourselves. No matter what, the unconditional comprehension and support of loved ones helps sowing seeds of strength and courage within us in bad times…. To once again face our beast, may be the solution to the suppressed turmoil…
Recognizing our stardusts within, and shines again and again and again, is the dream of each and every! Did she realize that despite the adversities, she can learn to be a lovely life on her own, and the beast will dissolve and need not be her toxic companion anymore, with just her caring? It can remain a friend though, even the beast needs someone to confide in at times!
The beast can become a friend, a friend helping us enlightened ourselves, and helping with its own enlightenment… for it to dissolve.
As the dawn broke,
She realized, come what may,…..
Blooming like a flower would be her best friend forever and the best friend of the beast of oneself, perhaps! ♥