vision – iSharvi

DAY 10

“It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.” ∼ E.E. Cummings

I often wonder about who I may become. I am not worried about the future, rather, grateful for the present moment. When I am asked about my progress in, I am unable to answer at times and astonishment follows on the part of the one who questioned me. There are many things to do. At the same time, there feel a blockage towards the vision. My mind is conscious that there are unresolved issues within that need to be taken care of. The intelligence questions a lot but the consequences result in having no clear answers to particular questions. I wondered: am I the only one with such struggles? I now recognize that the answer is NO.

My childhood and the beginning my puberty, reminds me of the unusual dreams I used to have, ambition-wise. From a professional football player, an archaeologist, an astronomer, a teacher, a physicist, a researcher, a scientist, to someone who cleans the road for a living. The ambitions were excited to think about and the curiosity evolved from there. I felt being the lead of my story with the broom in my hands. However, I did not feel the drive of unleashing excellence. I am grateful for the education I got and respect it. It is also a parcel of my experiences which makes me who I am today. Simultaneously, at a very personal level, it did not help in the flourishing of my aptitudes for a very long time, perhaps due to my ignorance as well. I felt I grew more clouded in thoughts and could not recognize myself as the years went by. At that time, I did not see the endless possibilities watching me. I thought there was perhaps no other choice as well. I could not ask for clarifications because I find myself not expressing properly. Such was a part of the struggles of the dreamy-idealist I find myself to be.

Often times, I realize that my issues are of no gravity as compared to the ones with more serious issues. This helps in not becoming a victim of self-pity. What I taught myself is, to take care of the richness and depth of emotions I feel.

The best and funny part which happened was the evolution of an insightful nature. Being insightful is not necessarily a product of suffering. It happened this way. The complexity and profundity of thoughts is part of my game and yet simplicity is the engine behind.

It seems to me, loving life makes it all easy. Perhaps, it all comes down to having faith in oneself, and in trusting the struggle or the pain. We know not what might just get unleashed this way. Within, there feels a sense of fullness despite the flaws. There are more to learn, to act and to be. It should not become an excuse for running away from responsibilities and duties. The pace is a slow one. Perhaps, this is what is needed. What did not happen till now, does not mean it will never happen as long as I am breathing. ♣

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